Over the weekend I attended the I Am Not Afraid To Lift Workshop at Iron Body Studios in West Roxbury, Massachusetts. Created by Artemis Scantalides, the event is geared mainly toward women, though men are welcome, and it presents strength training as a path to empowerment, greater confidence, and increased autonomy—along with plenty of moments to show off a flex.
What made the weekend especially meaningful for me was that my wife, Dr. Lisa Lewis, joined as a co-presenter to speak about mindset, dealing with negative self-talk, and the psychological hurdles many trainees face in the weight room and in life. As someone who works closely with women and has long championed strength training as a positive, empowering practice, I felt this collaboration was a natural fit and greatly needed.
Artemis spoke about the nuances of the main lifts—deadlift, squat, swing, press, and chin-up/pull-up—from coaching cues to program design. Lisa addressed the mental roadblocks many people encounter and shared practical drills and strategies to manage them.
Should-ing on ourselves
While talking with an attendee about anxiety around a fitness goal, Lisa offered a line that drew a laugh: you’re “should-ing” all over yourself instead of feeling energized by your goal. The comment was a welcome reminder, and Lisa explained that she borrows the idea from Dr. Albert Ellis and Rational Emotive Therapy (RET), which focus on how irrational thoughts drive our anxiety.
In simple terms: the origin of the problem isn’t the problem itself; it’s how you’re thinking about it. Common fitness examples include:
– I’m not fit until I can run a marathon or deadlift twice my body weight.
– I’m not in shape until I have a six-pack or a certain dress size.
– I have to work out every day.
– If I don’t hit a bodyweight chin-up, I’m a failure.
We form these beliefs and treat them as rules, but who says they’re real? A trainer? An online article? A magazine cover? A celebrity? Even me?
The point, as a fitness professional, is to offer ideas, alternatives, and fresh ways to reach your goals. If a recommendation causes stress or makes you want to quit, throw it out and try a different approach.
It’s all made up
The key takeaway is that there are no universal rules. Most of what we believe about what we should do is someone else’s opinion, often shaped by marketing or trends. If a rule makes you unhappy, it’s not helping.
Lisa notes, “Buying into a rule that makes you unhappy is the problem.” This idea isn’t limited to fitness; it spills into other parts of life as well. We tend to set irrational rules for ourselves, then measure our happiness and self-worth by whether we’ve checked them off a mental list:
– I have to be married by 28.
– I have to make Dean’s List every semester.
– I have to earn a certain income.
– I have to binge the latest show.
Back to health and fitness, Lisa says that if “shoulding on yourself” is getting you down, it’s time to reevaluate. That’s not the point of exercise. Do you feel you’ve achieved progress if you can deadlift 290 pounds but your goal is 300? The journey matters as much as the outcome.
We celebrate growth in the gym by progress on the bar, by before-and-after photos, and by setting goals. But letting someone else’s arbitrary rule affect your well-being—like cutting carbs after six if you’re lethargic—can be more toxic than helpful. It’s time to change your mindset.
Stop shoulding all over yourself. What “shoulds” are you carrying around? Acknowledging them can help you start reevaluating what really matters.
Thanks for reading. Get it done.
