I originally wrote this blog in 2017, but I’m reusing it today because it’s really strong and it fits with the release of Psych Skills for Fitness Pros—my wife Dr. Lisa Lewis’s latest resource for trainers to improve communication and motivation. This is the last week to buy it at the discounted price.
My wish for female fitness: less talk about being less. When you ask a man why he wants to be fit, you’ll hear answers like getting bigger, getting stronger, or getting ripped. For many women, the response is framed very differently. We’re often bombarded with words like lean, slim, toned, and thin. In short, the idea of fitness for many women is about being less rather than being more. They’re taught that being smaller is what counts as healthy or attractive.
This stands in contrast to men, where the tone tends to be about more: big, strong, muscular, gain. My wife, Lisa, who talks about this phenomenon a lot, calls it a Growth Orientation. Women are generally conditioned to aim for less, while men are conditioned to aim for more.
Striving to be more, instead of wanting to be less. Rather than chasing endless weight loss, which can drain the joy from fitness, I’d like to see more women embrace something I call 3×52. The goal isn’t a constant diet or disappointment from rapid cycles of weight loss. For my female clients, it’s about getting into the gym three days a week, all year long—focusing on consistency and performance. When they commit to things like conquering a chin-up, deadlifting their body weight for reps, or proving to themselves they can handle tough workouts, the aesthetic goals that often come with weight loss tend to follow naturally. Sometimes they even forget about the look they were chasing and just want to keep lifting hard.
It’s all about motivation. In the classic text Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Exercise and Sport, motivation is described as an internal state that energizes and guides action and persistence. The fitness world, especially for women, leans heavily on external factors—appearance, sex appeal, being smaller. That isn’t entirely wrong or bad, since seeing magazine covers or fitness personalities can be a motivating spark. But it’s also superficial. Real happiness shouldn’t hinge on a certain waist size or looking a certain way.
I’ve heard countless stories—people who sacrifice social life and even some favorite foods in pursuit of six-pack abs or toned arms—only to reach the goal and wonder what comes next. Often the answer is, “That wasn’t what I expected.” The moral is to help clients discover intrinsic factors that sustain motivation for the long haul. Intrinsic motivation is less about how you look and more about what you value and how you feel when you exercise: how it makes you feel, whether it aligns with your beliefs, and whether it’s a meaningful part of your identity. When you tap into that, external trends feel less influential.
So, how do we boost motivation? Here’s a practical plan.
1) Facilitate intrinsic motivation. This is where a good, intuitive coach adds real value. I love barbells, but I know not everyone will. If a client would rather avoid a back squat, forcing them to do it is a surefire way to kill motivation. My job is to match goals with activities they’ll actually enjoy. Maybe goblet squats, sled work, or other movements will be a better fit. If I can identify their strengths and make them feel like a rock star, we’re in a good place.
2) Highlight ways to grow. Autonomy should be the goal—help clients become more independent over time. Always listen to their goals and build plans around them, while allowing for change. A common reason people stall is that a trainer lacks initiative to educate and guide them. I make a point of explaining why we’re doing each exercise, its benefits, and how it helps reach the goals. I meet clients where they are and avoid imposing my preferences on them. A key part of sustained motivation is competence: people want to feel capable, not overwhelmed.
3) Build relatedness. The relationship and rapport you have with clients is essential. If you run semi-private sessions and a new female client is shy, don’t pair her with a male client who’s about to compete in powerlifting. Small touches—like making the environment comfortable and supportive—matter. A sense of connection helps people show up, train, and stay engaged.
All of this points toward a shift away from the endless “less” talk toward more: more confidence, more autonomy, more competence, more muscle, and more joy in training.
Psych Skills for Fitness Pros. The point isn’t just about sets and reps or perfect technique; it’s about the people you work with. Strong communication and relationship skills are what build lasting client loyalty. Psych Skills for Fitness Pros delivers practical tools to help you connect with clients, keep them consistent, and support their growth. It includes more than 12 hours of content—webinars, quizzes, and interviews you can complete on your schedule, plus options for continuing education credits. This is also a time-limited offer, so consider acting soon if you’re interested.
And yes, we’ll still joke about swole and all the fun parts of being a trainer. After all, fitness should feel engaging, not exhausting.
