Why you self-sabotage, and how to stop it
Hey there. I’m talking to you. Why do you keep doing that? The thing where you promise to start but don’t follow through, talk yourself out of things, or commit to obligations you know you can’t meet? You keep getting in your own way. Stop it.
That’s me in the mirror after another moment of not following through on my commitments or failing to reach a goal. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about a diet, a workout plan, building an online business, or anything else. When it comes to achieving goals, the core issue is simple: we get in our own way.
I say “we” because this is a human trait. If you’re reading this, you’re likely human too. And you probably self-sabotage at times. We can blame lack of time, not knowing where to start, or a million other excuses. But deep down, they’re all versions of the same thing.
Who controls your time? Who controls what media you consume? Who controls your choices? The answer is: you. If you’re not getting things done, it’s on you. External factors exist—kids, jobs, pandemics, economic shifts—but they don’t erase the simple truth: you’re the one who can steer your actions and how you spend your time (to an extent).
This may sound blunt, but I’m not judging you. I’ve done my own work on this topic and learned a lot about self-sabotage. I’m the one who holds myself back as much as anyone else, and chances are you’re doing the same to yourself.
There’s a keyboard somewhere in the background. Look closely. See it?
I’ve spent a lot of time on this, because getting past that first hurdle is essential if we’re to move forward. Now, here are three mindset shifts you must adopt to beat self-sabotage.
First: Acceptance
Acceptance is the root of positive change. Accept what is. If I want to lose weight, I have to admit I’m not happy with my current weight and recognize that my past choices brought me here. If I want to build a successful fitness blog, I need to accept that I’m still learning to write, and that a well-established blog has a large audience and trust I don’t yet have.
I need to accept what is and isn’t. The other side of acceptance is blame. Blaming others, algorithms, or genetics won’t solve the problem. As John Maxwell said, “We don’t solve problems we didn’t create.” If you can stop blaming so easily, you’ll make room for solutions. To stop self-sabotage, start by accepting your current reality.
Second: Set better goals
A major reason people sabotage themselves is that their goals don’t hold real meaning. Losing weight is common, but what does it really mean to you? Why do you want it? Is it for you, or because society says you should look a certain way? When you plan workouts, is it because you want bigger pecs, or because you feel pressure to follow someone else’s standard?
Fitness matters, but you don’t have to do every traditional move to be healthy. Maybe pilates or dancing with your kids would be better for you. Forcing yourself toward goals because they seem “normal” can backfire. If your goals connect with you on a deeper level and feel good and exciting, you’ll stay motivated.
Third: Embrace failure
Perfectionism is the biggest trap. We want everything to go smoothly, and when it doesn’t, we think there’s no point. That leads to one setback after another. The dieter overeats after a slip; the lifter misses a workout and decides to quit.
The reality is that failure is inevitable. You cannot be perfect. Accepting this frees you to push further, try new things, and bounce back when you stumble. When you fail, remember it’s part of the process.
Get out of your own way, and nothing can stop you.
About the author
Paul Levitin spent a decade as a personal trainer and strength coach, earning more than 30 certifications. He studied behavior change and became a Board Licensed Health & Wellness Coach. He founded The Healthy Happy Human Academy to help clients address self-sabotage and perfectionism so they can live healthier, happier lives. He aims to bridge fitness and nutrition for people who want to move more, feel better, and live a little longer.
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