I’m not a jerk. But I had a real jerk moment recently, and I think it can be a teachable moment for coaches and trainers who read this. My arrogance got the better of me, and it made me pause and reflect. I didn’t actually stand on a mountain or take a dramatic photo. The image was just a prop to set a mood. I could have added a dramatic eagle or a spaceship in the background, but that would have been overkill. Anyway, did it work? You’re still reading, so I must have hooked you a bit.
I get emails from people asking for training help or about my services. A few days ago I opened one that began: “I’m a 37-year-old man looking to transform my body. I’ve tried CrossFit, Orangetheory, paleo, Atkins, fat burners, and had personal trainers for years…” There was more, but that’s enough for now. Reading that first line, I had to roll my eyes. The theme from Jaws started playing in my head. Not because I want to hurt him, but because this is a familiar pattern: a person reaches out, asks for help, then lists every diet, every program, every trainer, and every supplement they’ve tried — with little to show for it.
Why have they tried so many things and still not gotten results? What are they hoping I’ll do differently? When I see a long list of diets and programs, I tend to wonder if they can commit and stay consistent longer than a week.
A follower on Twitter asked, “What do these people really want? Are they hoping for a magic answer, or are they just adding you to a long list of things that didn’t work?” It’s a fair question.
Part of me wants to boast, “I’m great. I’m a skilled coach with plenty of experience.” The other part stays humble. There are many coaches who are equally qualified, and I doubt I’d say or do anything much different from what they’ve done with other clients. Many coaches can explain deadlift technique, nutrition basics, or write solid programs. Some are even fans of 80s cartoons. The point is that knowledge alone doesn’t set the good coaches apart. What matters is delivering quality programming and coaching that actually helps people.
Maybe the person who sent that email had bad trainers before, or maybe he’s the problem and keeps bouncing from one plan to another. In this case, scheduling conflicts meant I wasn’t a good fit anyway. Still, the exchange gave me cause to reflect. I’m sure many of you have had a similar experience — a quick, snap-judgment thought about a potential client.
HERE’S SOMETHING TO CONSIDER
Most people don’t care about your fancy credentials, how many athletes you’ve trained, or your love of continuing education. It helps if you can do all that, but what people really want when they hire a trainer is connection.
The difference maker is the bond you build with your client. Beyond knowing the moves and the science behind training, can you connect with them in other ways? Can you have real conversations about books, films, or life? Do you know their pet’s name, their family, or their favorite show? Do you greet them by name, thank them for their effort, and send a quick note after a hard workout to show you appreciate them? Can you help them feel capable, give them some choice in how they train, and help them feel part of a community? Do you play motivating music they love during sessions?
There are many similar examples. The point is not to assume the worst about someone who walks in or emails you. Instead, look for ways to help them gain traction. The answer rarely lies in writing the perfect, fancy program or tossing around big terms. It comes down to building a real connection.
Sometimes I need a reminder of that. The goal is simple: help the person in front of you, not just show off what you know. And sometimes the best path to success is choosing integrity and focusing on the relationship you build with clients.
