A question I recently received on Instagram asked how I respond to female clients who don’t want to get bulky when training, and whether there are practical, scientific ways to dispel that myth. Here’s my take, organized in two parts: what not to say or do, and the opposite approach I prefer now.
What not to say and do
– Relying on hormone talk or implying it’s inherently hard for women to gain muscle. In the past I’d argue things like, “It’s hard to gain muscle, and men want to gain as fast as women think is possible,” or “You won’t become bulky in a week, month, or even a year.”
– Using snark or condescension which rarely helps and can push potential clients away.
– Assuming the issue is purely biological and not addressing the person’s experiences, fears, or past training.
What I do instead
– I work with self-selected clients who already know what they’re getting. Many have read my writing or seen the message on my gym sign, so there’s alignment from the start.
– I educate, but I don’t rely on a broad, universal debunking of myths. I avoid overemphasizing women’s testosterone levels or insisting that “toning” isn’t real, or claiming they’ll never match elite competitors.
– I lean on questions rather than lectures. For example, I ask:
– Why do you feel strength training will make you big and bulky?
– What does “bulky” mean to you? What would it look like?
– Is this concern based on something from the past?
– Which exercises do you think would cause this?
– Could this view come from a trainer you worked with before, or from not having learned proper technique?
– Do you have any myths you’re holding onto that we should unpack?
– This approach aims to uncover the root cause of the belief rather than simply trying to prove it wrong. It helps build trust and stronger, lasting relationships with my clients.
– After a few weeks of consistency, the stigma often fades. As they become more competent with the barbell and see progress, many clients shift toward valuing muscular strength and autonomy rather than avoiding it.
– In short, the goal is to guide clients toward empowering progress without shaming them for their concerns, and to help them see that adding muscle can be a positive, achievable outcome.
