Tony’s Brief Intro
Venn diagrams show how things relate within a group. Circles that overlap share traits; circles that don’t overlap don’t. Let’s apply this to the fitness world. So, what counts as “success” for a fitness pro? It isn’t just about coaching a squat or knowing anatomy; there’s a side that’s often overlooked but crucial for growing a business. There’s no shortage of resources on technical skills, but the harder part is learning how to connect with people. Today’s guest post by Michigan-based fitness trainer Alex McBrairty focuses on that side, and it’s likely to help any fitness professional grow.
How the “Friendship Formula” Can Improve Your Fitness Business
Clients choose coaches they enjoy being around. In the end, most clients can’t always tell great advice from okay advice, but they can tell whether the experience is good or bad. A good experience comes from a real connection with your clients. Do you know how to connect with them in a meaningful way—beyond small talk? This article breaks down the psychology of connection into a simple framework we’ll call the Friendship Formula. It has three parts: familiarity, likability, and vulnerability. When used like a system, it can help you attract more clients, keep them longer, and build a thriving coaching business.
Familiarity
In 1950, researchers looked at veterans living in the same housing complex and found that closeness often came from simply being near one another. A 1967 study of college freshmen sharing a dorm yielded a similar result: roommates were the most likely to become friends, followed by nearby neighbors, and so on. Proximity matters.
Proximity Principle
The idea is that being physically close to others increases the chance you’ll become friends. Repeated exposure makes you more familiar, partly due to the mere exposure effect and the sense that you share similarities.
Mere Exposure Effect
We tend to prefer things that feel familiar. Think of your favorite comfort foods—many of us ate them growing up, which makes them comforting. We also tend to like words we hear often. When proximity creates familiarity, that familiarity can grow into positive feelings toward you. Put together, these effects lay the groundwork for a new connection.
Christina Abbey, an online fitness coach, knows how to create this proximity on the gym floor. Whether she’s training clients, working out, or socializing, she’s visible to others. She notes that people tend to like what they’re familiar with; if they regularly see you pushing hard and staying positive, you’ll be the obvious person to turn to for help.
To build new connections, you should be visible—on the gym floor, at events, in activities they attend, and online with posts and replies. Andrew Coates, a fitness coach and host of Lift Free and Diet Hard, also champions building familiarity through a strong social media presence. Be consistent, engage with followers, and share high-value content. Regular presence creates a sense of “being around,” which helps people feel familiar with you and your work.
Likability
The second piece is likability. People won’t want to be around you or give you their money unless they like you. Likability is so important that psychologist Robert Cialdini identified it as one of his six principles of persuasion.
Two core ideas underpin likability: similarity and reciprocity.
Perceived and Actual Similarities
Frequent contact with the same people makes us assume we have more in common than we actually do. This perceived similarity increases our liking. A few reasons explain this:
First, our sense of self is shaped in part by who we associate with. Social identity theory says we tend to surround ourselves with people who support our views, traits, and worldviews because they reinforce who we think we are. Second, similarities make it easier to maintain the relationship; big differences can lead to conflict.
For example, a trainer who uses a drill-sergeant approach might clash with a client who responds best to positive encouragement. If the coach doesn’t respect the client’s needs or preferences, conflict follows. So look for shared ground—in values, hobbies, food, favorite books, and more. Coates’ interest in fantasy fiction, comics, and video games helps him connect with others who share those interests.
Tony Gentilcore, CSCS, works with many kinds of clients and uses two strategies to find similarities. First, both he and his clients aim for the client’s best results, so they’re on the same team. This teamwork creates shared experiences. Second, he asks about movies—the client’s favorite film can break the ice. If there’s an awkward moment, he can ask about a favorite scene.
Even when you don’t see obvious similarities at first, you can uncover shared ground by digging a little deeper and staying curious.
Reciprocal Liking
We have a natural need to treat others fairly and to be treated fairly in return. When someone does us a favor or gives a gift, we tend to repay it. This reciprocal liking means that if others show they like us, we’re likely to like them back. A simple way to foster this is to tell clients that you appreciate them and enjoy working with them. If you don’t enjoy working with someone, that’s a signal to rethink things.
Even if you don’t find common ground right away, stay curious. The best way to be interesting is to be genuinely interested. Ask meaningful questions and listen. If you’re truly curious, you’ll usually find something you share. Abbey loves this part of her work: listening for clues—like T-shirts, places they’ve been, events they’ve attended, or bands they love—can reveal common ground.
Mike Doehla, founder of Stronger U Nutrition, learned entrepreneurship in part from his clients. Their businesses taught him new things, and he eventually started seven other ventures. Being consistently visible and present with people you want to befriend helps build familiarity and likability, and sharing appreciation deepens the bond.
Of course, familiarity and likability alone aren’t enough for a deep bond. To truly connect, you need vulnerability—the willingness to open up about your bigger dreams, fears, joys, and pains.
The Power of Shared Experiences
Vulnerability helps bring people together because shared emotional experiences create strong bonds. Sebastian Junger’s Tribe and supporting research back this up. Sharing personal stories helps clients feel heard and understood, which strengthens the relationship.
Mike Doehla speaks openly about his mom’s cancer to help clients see what matters most and to show he’s there for them, not perfect. Gentilcore discusses his own mental health and ongoing therapy, hoping to encourage clients to seek help if they need it.
Sharing stories isn’t just about bonding; it helps clients feel valued and cared for. That’s powerful customer service.
Empathetic Balance
While vulnerability can strengthen bonds, you must use good judgment about when to share. Sharing too many negative experiences can drag people down. If negativity becomes too much, it may be best to refer the client to someone else to protect your energy and help your other clients.
If you’re too negative, you’ll push people away. So balance opening up about your struggles with sharing positive experiences, dreams, and successes.
Strategic Vulnerability
When you decide to share, focus on relevance and balance. Share moments that matter to the conversation and keep the talk client-centered. Abbey uses her own struggles with disordered eating to show clients they’re not alone and to encourage them to seek help from a registered dietitian, while also offering support from people they trust.
Sometimes you’ll be vulnerable without immediate reciprocity. That’s normal and can still raise familiarity and set the stage for future openness.
Bringing It All Together
You now have tools to connect better with current and future clients. But you also need a genuine interest in connecting with others. People can tell when you’re fake, and faking these steps can backfire. Be genuinely curious about others and strive for real, authentic connections.
These ideas can be reused to reach more people, grow your client base, and improve retention. Building strong relationships will lead to greater success in your coaching business.
About the Author
Alex McBrairty is an online fitness coach who runs A-Team Fitness in Ann Arbor, Michigan. He was obese as a child and now blends fitness and psychology to help clients reach their potential. He has a psychology degree from the University of Michigan and is certified by the National Academy of Sports Medicine. His articles have appeared in Breaking Muscle and The Personal Trainer Development Center, and he has contributed to Muscle & Fitness, USA Today, Men’s Fitness, and Prevention. Website: ateamfit.com Facebook: facebook.com/alex.mcbrairty Instagram: @_ateamfit_
