A woman wrote to me months ago about feeling stuck in lifting. She described how hard she works and how it doesn’t come easily, and she struggles with disappointment when she doesn’t meet her own unrealistically high expectations. She finds herself comparing herself to someone she follows on Instagram, telling herself it should be easier and that she should be able to squat 225 for reps. She sometimes struggles to celebrate small victories and instead fixates on the little things she didn’t do. The doubtful voice and life stressors creep in, especially mid-set when a rep isn’t easy or perfect. It sounds sad, frustrating, lonely, and like a real energy drain.
Perfectionism has many definitions. It can mean the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection, a need for flawless outcomes or efforts to feel okay. In strength training, perfectionism can be a double-edged sword: it can motivate us to push toward ambitious goals, but it can also fuel an inner critic that focuses on in‑progress faults and blinds us to the progress we’ve already made.
There are healthy and unhealthy forms of perfectionism. Healthy perfectionism tends to focus on the process and progress, helping us move toward goals. Neurotic perfectionism, by contrast, ruminates on past performances that were imperfect, judges ourselves harshly, and often leaves us feeling defeated, deflated, and stuck. That state can harm current performance and future progress.
How to strive for perfection (without getting paralyzed by it)
– Set goals. Don’t abandon your dreams, but be specific. Set a clear timeline and check with a friend, gym buddy, or coach to make sure your goal is realistic.
– Aim for a high likelihood of success. If life gets in the way—illness, a trip, a “pizza emergency”—be flexible and adjust the goal so you can keep moving forward. If a plan keeps you dwelling on the past, it’s not helping you progress.
– Remember: when you’re down on yourself, you’re wasting time and energy with little to gain. If you fail or stumble, treat it as data to adjust your goals, reframe your intent, and keep going.
Do not concern yourself with perfection
Researchers and optimists alike agree that beating yourself up over not being “good enough” is unhelpful. Some people treat setbacks as punishment, but punishment tends to be less effective than rewarding what you do well. Reinforcing positives keeps you on track long term; harsh self-criticism can backfire and make you want to quit.
If perfectionist worries creep in, here are quick steps:
1) Turn the page: stop wasting energy and refocus on the next opportunity to work toward your goal.
2) Reframe “failure”: it’s information, not a judgment of your worth. It can guide future goals and performance—then you move on.
3) Lighten up: perfectionism has some benefits, but you’ll gain more by balancing it. If you’re upset about being slightly short of a PR or a goal weight, step back and see the bigger picture: you’re building strength, health, happiness, and confidence. A small gap isn’t a disaster.
Good luck!
