AN OPEN LETTER TO EVERYONE WHO HAS TOLD WOMEN “DON’T GET TOO MUSCULAR”
I started strength training about two years ago. Before that, I followed a starvation-style diet.
I began dieting around age 13 or 14. In my freshman year of high school I couldn’t fit into size zero jeans anymore, so dieting began in earnest. By the time I reached 21, years of self-imposed malnutrition left me at 100 pounds, with arms so thin I could barely wrap my fingers around them, and I couldn’t open jars or heavy doors by myself.
Why am I telling you this? During seven years of starvation dieting, I was never told, “don’t get too thin.” In contrast, during my two years of strength training I’ve heard, “don’t get too muscular” countless times.
The first time it happened, I was excitedly telling someone about my new squat personal record. Weighed at a healthy 125 pounds, I had just squatted 100 pounds and was talking about a bodyweight back squat when I was interrupted with, “well, don’t get too muscular now.” Being new to lifting, that crushed me.
For a few days it shifted my focus from getting stronger to worrying about how my body looked to others. Then anger—no—fury at a society where 42% of girls aged 5–8 want to be thinner, and 10 million women struggle with eating disorders, while we hear “don’t get too muscular” far more often than “don’t get too thin.”
This unsolicited advice highlights two issues: it encourages female weakness and it undermines female body autonomy.
ONE: CULTURALLY-ENCOURAGED FEMALE WEAKNESS
Women who strength train know how hard it is to build muscle. Telling a woman who strength trains, “don’t get too muscular,” reveals ignorance about what it takes and can deter others from lifting heavy things in the first place.
Naomi Wolf puts it plainly: “A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one.” When women lift, it’s a form of social disobedience. The phrase “don’t get too muscular” is used by people who feel threatened by strong women and want to keep them “in their place.” It’s having an effect across generations, shaping what girls grow up thinking about their bodies.
I’m not advocating harassing teens with pleas to “don’t get too thin,” but frankly I would have benefited from hearing “don’t get too thin” at some point in my youth.
So, if you must say something about a woman’s body (which you shouldn’t), “don’t get too thin” is far more reasonable than “don’t get too muscular.”
TWO: LACK OF RESPECT FOR FEMALE BODY AUTONOMY
Why is it acceptable to tell women what they can or can’t do with their bodies? This question spans from reproductive rights to personal space and appearance. No matter a woman’s body type, she’s subjected to unsolicited commentary about how she should care for it. Women who strength train are told to avoid getting bulky, muscular, or “manly.” Those with larger bodies often endure even more criticism, from what they buy at the store to what they should order at a restaurant, to what kind of exercise they should be doing—or what they should wear while exercising. It never stops. Even thin women face judgment, often framed as “men like women with curves.”
If you’re a man and imagining how invasive it would feel to have strangers comment on your body, you’re not imagining it.
Most men don’t have to deal with this constant scrutiny, but women do. People who tell women what to do with their bodies often believe they’re helping them become more attractive to potential partners, which ignores the fact that women do things for themselves, not for others.
Women who lift are doing it for themselves, not for you. They’ve already rejected social norms by picking up iron, and they probably don’t care about your opinion on their bodies. And if a woman isn’t lifting yet, she doesn’t need you telling her not to—your comments may push her away from becoming strong and healthy, steering her toward endless cardio, carrot sticks, and misery. And no woman deserves that.
Check out Sophia’s bio below to learn more about her and how to read more of her work.
NOTE FROM TG
If you’re new to strength training (or you’re friends, family, or a partner of someone who is), you might be wondering where to start. Deep breaths. Here are some solid resources from fitness pros.
FOR THOSE WITH LIMITED ACCESS TO A GYM
– Lean & Lovely by Neghar Fonooni
Great for workouts with minimal equipment that use bodyweight and kettlebells.
– Lift Weights Faster by Jen Sinkler
Focuses on minimal equipment and avoids traditional cardio—though it will still feel tough.
FOR THOSE WITH FULL ACCESS TO A GYM
– Modern Women’s Guide to Strength Training by Girls Gone Strong
A comprehensive guide for women, including a nutritional manual by Dr. Cassandra Forsythe.
– The Lift Like a Girl Guide by Nia Shanks
A video series that helps you build a personalized fitness program.
FOR THOSE WHO JUST WANT SOLID INFORMATION
– The New Rules of Lifting for Women by Lou Schuler, Alwyn Cosgrove, and Dr. Cassandra Forsythe
A strong debunking of common myths about women’s fitness.
– Strong Curves by Bret Contreras and Kellie Davis
A bit more scientific, but a great resource for building strength and shaping your ideal body.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sophia Herbst is a Seattle-based freelance writer, blogger, and proud feminist. When she isn’t writing for Cody, a health and fitness startup, she’s working to shift conversations around social and cultural issues through her blog.
